Thursday, February 3, 2011
First Week Of School
Wow! This first week of school is already done. That went so fast. Tomorrow I find out if I get to continue in the class. I have learned so much already. I really hope I get to continue. I'm pretty confident that I will be ablt to continue, but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind. I know this class is going to be very difficult, but I also know that when I am done, I will be so educated on the computer and with all the programs. It has been hard getting used to getting up and being in an office ALL day, but I am getting used to it. I like most of the people in my class so that really helps. While my eyes adjust to the change, I have to live with horrible headaches, but Excedrin Migrane works very well. I have been so tired when I get home that I don't even trun my computer on. After sitting at a computer for most of the day, the last thing I want to do is come home and get on the computer. Even though my goal was to write in this blog everyday, I am ok with the fact that it may be once a week now. This class is my ticket to a better job. With all the skills they will be teaching us, I will be a better candiate for administrative jobs. Jobs where your boss doesn't throw big cans and crush your hands. My hand is doing ok with this training as long as I put my prescription gel on it on every break. It is definately inflammed, but I can't afford to be on Workers Comp anymore. So, I will deal with this pain every day. I pray that one day, the pain will just go away. But for now, I just pretend that I don't feel anything. I'm good at that. As long as I am able to continue this class, my graduation will be April 21. They go all out with cap and gowns and even hold it in a theatre. I know I will be walking across that stage! I want, and need, this too badly. So, tomorrow I will know if I get to continue! I'm nervous and excited!
Friday, January 21, 2011
So Happy
I was going to write about something completely different tonight, but now I have to share my good news with everyone. I talked about a class that I have been trying to get into in my blog titled "I don't want to be a welfare mom anymore." They were supposed to make their final decision on the 26th on who will be starting the program on the 31st. Well, around 5:00 tonight, I got a call from one of the instructors informing me that I was chosen to be in the class. I started crying while I was talking to him. Finally, I can see a light in the darkness. I am on my way to making this life better for me and, most importantly, for my kids. This is it! I thought 2011 was going to be a horrible year, but now, I KNOW it is going to be awesome. In just 3 months, I will be getting a paycheck. Not a welfare check. Not a worker's comp check. A PAYcheck. Money I, myself earned. I am hoping that now, my worker's comp case can go to court so I can get my settlement. With that and my new job, I should be able to get reliable transportation, and then, my own place to call home. I am living proof that God really does answer prayer. I have several areas in which he has proven Himself to be real to me. This is just one more to add to the list. Some people say they don't believe in God because they can't see Him. My answer to that? I see how He works in my life and through my life. I could share numerous stories, but for right now, this is the one I am concentrating on. Hundreds of people applied and tested for this class. They chose 20 of those people. I am one of them! I will give it 1000% effort. I want to not only finish this class, but I want to be the BEST. This is my chance and I am so thankful for it!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Not Myself
The past few days, I just haven't been feeling like myself. I'm in a bad mood constantly. What's up with that? I have been thinking about all the negatives in my life instead of the possitives. That is soemthing that I really need to work on. If I can't change it, I need to stop thinking about it. That is so much easier said than done though. My mind is continuously going and I find myself letting these things take over my mind instead of what I should be thinking about. For example, I NEED a car. I have one that doesn't work, but I can't afford to get it fixed. I don't have the income necessary to buy one. There is nothing I can do about it. Yet, I continue to try to fix it. I get angry that the kids' father has a car, yet tells me he isn't working so he can't help financially support our kids. I think a lot of my anger starts with their father. I know I need to let it go since there is nothing I can do about it, but I guess I just don't understand how he can totally just right the kids off and feel that he doesn't have to support them at all. Everything I do is for the kids. They are the center of my world, not the opposite. Their needs come before my own. And he is the complete opposite. So selfish. I just don't understand. He owes over $40,000 in child support. Money that my kids need and deserve. But, I can't change it, so I need to not worry about it. I think this year, that is something that I am really going to work on. I would probably be a much happier person if I master that.
So here's some happy things to think about. This last Saturday, we took the kids to Toys R Us to use their $50 gift cards that my grandfather sent each of the kids. Isaiah picked out a really awesome remote control fire truck. The thing is huge. It has working lights and an arial ladder that you can control with the remote. It even squirts water. Noelle got a doll carseat, diaper bag full of stuff, and a Wii game where she gets to build her own zoo and take care of the animals. Andrew got a Weebles tree house that has an elevator and slide. It plays music too. He also got a Mater that talks. The kids did really good in picking out their things. They only went over their gift cards by $20.
This weekend is Isaiah's first over night trip with the cub scouts. We will be spending the night on a navy aircraft carrier. I can't wait. I just know we are going to have a great time. This trip will be during our 10 day media fast, so I will blog it on the 31st.
So here's some happy things to think about. This last Saturday, we took the kids to Toys R Us to use their $50 gift cards that my grandfather sent each of the kids. Isaiah picked out a really awesome remote control fire truck. The thing is huge. It has working lights and an arial ladder that you can control with the remote. It even squirts water. Noelle got a doll carseat, diaper bag full of stuff, and a Wii game where she gets to build her own zoo and take care of the animals. Andrew got a Weebles tree house that has an elevator and slide. It plays music too. He also got a Mater that talks. The kids did really good in picking out their things. They only went over their gift cards by $20.
This weekend is Isaiah's first over night trip with the cub scouts. We will be spending the night on a navy aircraft carrier. I can't wait. I just know we are going to have a great time. This trip will be during our 10 day media fast, so I will blog it on the 31st.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The One Thing That Will Always Make Me Mad
I'm not going to lie. I get mad a lot. And most of the time it's out of frustration from not having any help with raising 3 young children. Every parent deserves some kind of break each day. Whether it be a walk around the block or going to the grocery store without the kids. For almost 7 years now, I haven't had 1 minute to myself. I always have at least 1 kids with me at all times. Shoot, I can't even take a shower alone. I also get frustrated that I am trying to raise these kids on about $1,100 per month with absolutely NO child support. I do have a child support order, but in the great state of California, they only enforce it by taking away business and drivers licences. That's just great. Their father doesn't have either. And as irritated as I get with that, that's still not what will always make me mad.
The thing that ALWAYS makes me mad is when someone criticizes my parenting. My ex husband used to do that. My parents do that. And, today, a doctor did that. My son is overweight. We know this. We have been working on it for the last almost 2 years. He is just a big kid. This doctor told me that I need to focus on the cleanliness of my child and take him to weight management classes. She also told me that I could benefit from those classes as well. Then she preceded to tell me, in front of my son, that I should have him in sports, not let him drink soda and juice because they are full of sugar, and not to give him junk food.
Point 1: His cleanliness-my son takes a shower every day. Not 1 day goes by that he doesn't shower. At the end of the school day, he smells like a kid because he plays a lot at school and he sweats. He takes his showers before he goes to bed EVERY night.
Point 2: weight management classes-his regular doctor referred us to a nutritionist 2 years ago. We have followed her recommendations since. What is a class going to do except take up more time in my day? Don't you think that if his regular doctor wanted us in there, we would be in there?
Point 3: I could benefit from those classes-I'm sorry. I thought the appointment was for my son. Stupid me! As far as I am concerned, my body is none of your business and how dare you think you have the right to say something like that to me. I know I am not small, but you know what? I have never been small in my whole life and, except for the number on the scale, I am very healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. Both actually run on the low side. My cholesterol is is low too. But, then again, that was none of your business as a pediatrician.
Point 4: he should be playing sports-yes he should, so write me a check so I can pay for it. Sports are far from free and I just don't have the money for it. Thanks for putting the ideas in his head though.
Point 5: don't let him drink soda or juice because they are full of sugar-why do you automatically assume I give my child soda and a ton of juice? You can tell just by looking at me that I give him sugary soda and juice everyday? Let me inform you that my son rarely gets soda and when he does get it, it's diet soda. And he gets 1 glass of 100% fruit juice a day. Thank you very much!
Point 6: no junk food-we get less junk food than we get soda! Hello? Fixed income! We can't afford junk food from restaurants and I use my food stamps to buy meats, produce and healthy lunch snacks at Costco. I never buy artificial fruit snacks or sugary snacks, His "treat" for his lunch is a bag of sun chips or dried fruit.
I guess the point that I am making is unless you see me treating my child horribly or abusing him, don't judge my parenting by the cover. I love my kids and will do anything to keep them healthy and safe. If you feel that I am doing something wrong as a parent, please keep it to yourself unless I ask you for your opinion. Especially if you don't know me or the story behind things. My kids are happy and healthy kids that know they are loved and taken care of. Thank you.
The thing that ALWAYS makes me mad is when someone criticizes my parenting. My ex husband used to do that. My parents do that. And, today, a doctor did that. My son is overweight. We know this. We have been working on it for the last almost 2 years. He is just a big kid. This doctor told me that I need to focus on the cleanliness of my child and take him to weight management classes. She also told me that I could benefit from those classes as well. Then she preceded to tell me, in front of my son, that I should have him in sports, not let him drink soda and juice because they are full of sugar, and not to give him junk food.
Point 1: His cleanliness-my son takes a shower every day. Not 1 day goes by that he doesn't shower. At the end of the school day, he smells like a kid because he plays a lot at school and he sweats. He takes his showers before he goes to bed EVERY night.
Point 2: weight management classes-his regular doctor referred us to a nutritionist 2 years ago. We have followed her recommendations since. What is a class going to do except take up more time in my day? Don't you think that if his regular doctor wanted us in there, we would be in there?
Point 3: I could benefit from those classes-I'm sorry. I thought the appointment was for my son. Stupid me! As far as I am concerned, my body is none of your business and how dare you think you have the right to say something like that to me. I know I am not small, but you know what? I have never been small in my whole life and, except for the number on the scale, I am very healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. Both actually run on the low side. My cholesterol is is low too. But, then again, that was none of your business as a pediatrician.
Point 4: he should be playing sports-yes he should, so write me a check so I can pay for it. Sports are far from free and I just don't have the money for it. Thanks for putting the ideas in his head though.
Point 5: don't let him drink soda or juice because they are full of sugar-why do you automatically assume I give my child soda and a ton of juice? You can tell just by looking at me that I give him sugary soda and juice everyday? Let me inform you that my son rarely gets soda and when he does get it, it's diet soda. And he gets 1 glass of 100% fruit juice a day. Thank you very much!
Point 6: no junk food-we get less junk food than we get soda! Hello? Fixed income! We can't afford junk food from restaurants and I use my food stamps to buy meats, produce and healthy lunch snacks at Costco. I never buy artificial fruit snacks or sugary snacks, His "treat" for his lunch is a bag of sun chips or dried fruit.
I guess the point that I am making is unless you see me treating my child horribly or abusing him, don't judge my parenting by the cover. I love my kids and will do anything to keep them healthy and safe. If you feel that I am doing something wrong as a parent, please keep it to yourself unless I ask you for your opinion. Especially if you don't know me or the story behind things. My kids are happy and healthy kids that know they are loved and taken care of. Thank you.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
2 Days to Catch Up On
So, yesterday I went for my second interview for the class I want to go to. She told me that I was an awesome fit for the class so don't screw up the English test. I took the English test today and OMG! It was soooooo easy! I think my 6 year old could have passed it. But the sad part is that some people actually fail it! We were timed for each section and I was the first one done every time. I finished each section before the half way point. Everyone else either barely finished when time was up or didn't finish at all. I was sitting there thinking, "This is our future. These people will, or are already, raising kids and they don't even know BASIC English." We are talking what word is supposed to have a capital letter? What word fits in the sentence? Opposites. Basic vocabulary and spelling. I fear for the future. My mom, who works for the welfare department, was told by one of her clients moms that she needed to learn ebonics because it's the new language in California. What? And she was dead serious. Maybe it's the new language in the welfare office, but not everywhere else. So, all in all, I'm about 90% sure I will be in this class. YAY ME!
Now back to yesterday. Last night, my son carried the United States flag for his cub scout pack meeting. Boy was I one proud mom! He carried that flag with such pride. That was his shinning moment. Then he led the den in the Pledge of Allegance. So awesome! Then they watched a movie about how fathers get when it's time to build the pinewood derby cars. It was so funny and so true for some. The boys got their piece of wood and wheels as Christmas presents from the pack. The derby is March 8. I was a little worried about how Isaiah was going to handle this event since it is traditionally a father/son event. He was really sad at first, but then one of the guys at church (my kids call him Handy Manny) is going to help him build his car. He is so awesome! Now Isaiah is excited to start build his car. We have a tiger den field trip this weekend to the fire station. It should be fun. I got to set it up, so I made sure we are going to the station that has the ladder truck. Ladder trucks are so much cooler than just plain engines (not that engines aren't cool too).
Then, next weekend, Isaiah gets to go on an overnight trip on the USS Hornet. How cool is that? My dad is going to take him. I really want to go, but I can't leave the little ones over night. When Andrew is a tiger, I'm going!
This morning was really hard. Andrew did not want to be left at school today. He almost made me cry. He was holding on to me. I told him that I had to go. He cried, "but I love you! Don't leave me!" It was so hard to leave. That made me feel so guilty about leaving him. But, I had to go. The school is a really awesome school and I know if he continued to have a problem, they would call me. I walked away listening to him call for me. I hated that. His teacher said he was upset for about 15 minutes, then he settled down and started playing. I really wish I could stay home with them all the time. I would LOVE to be a full time stay at home mom. Too bad that job doesn't pay the bills. I know down deep that I am doing the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Now back to yesterday. Last night, my son carried the United States flag for his cub scout pack meeting. Boy was I one proud mom! He carried that flag with such pride. That was his shinning moment. Then he led the den in the Pledge of Allegance. So awesome! Then they watched a movie about how fathers get when it's time to build the pinewood derby cars. It was so funny and so true for some. The boys got their piece of wood and wheels as Christmas presents from the pack. The derby is March 8. I was a little worried about how Isaiah was going to handle this event since it is traditionally a father/son event. He was really sad at first, but then one of the guys at church (my kids call him Handy Manny) is going to help him build his car. He is so awesome! Now Isaiah is excited to start build his car. We have a tiger den field trip this weekend to the fire station. It should be fun. I got to set it up, so I made sure we are going to the station that has the ladder truck. Ladder trucks are so much cooler than just plain engines (not that engines aren't cool too).
Then, next weekend, Isaiah gets to go on an overnight trip on the USS Hornet. How cool is that? My dad is going to take him. I really want to go, but I can't leave the little ones over night. When Andrew is a tiger, I'm going!
This morning was really hard. Andrew did not want to be left at school today. He almost made me cry. He was holding on to me. I told him that I had to go. He cried, "but I love you! Don't leave me!" It was so hard to leave. That made me feel so guilty about leaving him. But, I had to go. The school is a really awesome school and I know if he continued to have a problem, they would call me. I walked away listening to him call for me. I hated that. His teacher said he was upset for about 15 minutes, then he settled down and started playing. I really wish I could stay home with them all the time. I would LOVE to be a full time stay at home mom. Too bad that job doesn't pay the bills. I know down deep that I am doing the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Monday, January 10, 2011
What's New Today
Wow! What a day of screaming, cranky children! Noelle and Andrew are not used to getting up early. And Noelle is definately not a morning girl. That child drove me nuts trying to get her up and ready this morning. I got up at 6 to get myself ready for my interview then I got all 3 kids up at 6:30. Isaiah is used to it so he just gave me his "I don't want to go to school today! I think I'm sick!" But he got up and got ready without too much attitude. Andrew was so easy. He woke up, got dressed and was so cuddly. Noelle was screaming at the top of her lungs. I couldn't believe the huge deal she was making out of getting up. I tried putting on her clothes just to have her take them off and throw them. Boy was she testing my patience! I finally got her dressed and got all 3 kids downstairs ready to eat breakfast. Thankfully my dad fixes them breakfast since he is up to drive us around anyway. Although I still can't wait to get a car. We got Isaiah to school and then went to Andrew and Noelle's school. Noelle threw herself on the ground in the parking lot of the school. It was 27 degrees out there and she was on the freezing cement. When she does that stuff, I don't baby her like some parents. I don't pick her up and try to make her feel better. What lesson would she get from that? So she laid there screaming for something like 5 minutes. Finally she got cold enough to get up. Then she refused to carry her back pack. That is another thing I don't do for my kids. As soon as my kids could walk, they carried their back packs with their diapers and stuff. That's one way to get them potty trained if they don't like carrying their diaper changing supplies. She finally figured out that I wasn't in the mood to be dealing with her attitude so she picked up her things and walked to class.
Since the kids were starting full day preschool, a few things changed. The big thing is that Noelle and Andrew are no longer in the same class room. Andrew wasn't too sure about that. He was actually kind of scared. I was thinking to muself that maybe he needs me home a little longer. Maybe he just isn't ready to be in school all day yet. I decided to just leave and see what would happen. I know that if he didn't do ok that his teacher would call me. So, I left. But I was a little worried about him. Then I dropped Noelle at her class where she started throwing a fit and threw her hat and gloves around the class room. Thankfully, her teachers feel the same way I do about her fits. They are not tolerated. So they said don't worry. I could leave her even with her throwing a fit.
Then I was dropped off at the training program. I was the first one there which was awesome for me. I filled out my application and got first pick of where to sit in the classroom. Then after the presentation about the program, I was the first to be interviewed. I think I totally nailed it! I was asked to come back tomorrow for a second interview and on Wednesday for a reading assessment test. I feel really confident that I am meant to be in this class. We shall soon see.
I picked up Isaiah from school and he had a little trouble. He was put on the sad face because he was playing when the teacher was talking. His punishment was no playing the Wii today. We really didn't have time to play, so that was not a big loss.
Then I picked up the other two. They had a great day. Noelle came out of her mood and Andrew started to feel comfortable in his new class. Neither one of them napped, but I knew they wouldn't. So now I feel a little better about leaving them all day. Not great, but better.
We came home. I helped Isaiah with his homework. Then made dinner. Then showers. Then bed. The boys were asleep by 7:30. Noelle just now fell asleep so she should be nice and cranky tomorrow when it's time to wake her up. Oh Boy!
Since the kids were starting full day preschool, a few things changed. The big thing is that Noelle and Andrew are no longer in the same class room. Andrew wasn't too sure about that. He was actually kind of scared. I was thinking to muself that maybe he needs me home a little longer. Maybe he just isn't ready to be in school all day yet. I decided to just leave and see what would happen. I know that if he didn't do ok that his teacher would call me. So, I left. But I was a little worried about him. Then I dropped Noelle at her class where she started throwing a fit and threw her hat and gloves around the class room. Thankfully, her teachers feel the same way I do about her fits. They are not tolerated. So they said don't worry. I could leave her even with her throwing a fit.
Then I was dropped off at the training program. I was the first one there which was awesome for me. I filled out my application and got first pick of where to sit in the classroom. Then after the presentation about the program, I was the first to be interviewed. I think I totally nailed it! I was asked to come back tomorrow for a second interview and on Wednesday for a reading assessment test. I feel really confident that I am meant to be in this class. We shall soon see.
I picked up Isaiah from school and he had a little trouble. He was put on the sad face because he was playing when the teacher was talking. His punishment was no playing the Wii today. We really didn't have time to play, so that was not a big loss.
Then I picked up the other two. They had a great day. Noelle came out of her mood and Andrew started to feel comfortable in his new class. Neither one of them napped, but I knew they wouldn't. So now I feel a little better about leaving them all day. Not great, but better.
We came home. I helped Isaiah with his homework. Then made dinner. Then showers. Then bed. The boys were asleep by 7:30. Noelle just now fell asleep so she should be nice and cranky tomorrow when it's time to wake her up. Oh Boy!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sleep Deprived
One thing that I totally sacrafised for my kids is my love of sleeping. I used to be able to sleep when ever I wanted and for how long I wanted. Not anymore. People tell me to sleep when the kids sleep. Really? If I did that, when would I have time to clean and take a shower? I do most of my laundry at night and into the wee hours of the morning. That way I know it gets done and doesn't have to be redone because the kids mess it up.
Eventhough I am so tired at night, sometimes I just can't sleep. Wednesday night, I went to bed at 11. I didn't fall asleep until after 3. I had to be up at 6:30 to get Isaiah ready for school. So, I went along Thursday with 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Of course on Thursday, I got a migrane that my medication didn't work on. I took a pain pill and that worked. Then I tried to sleep. I was up ALL night. I'm not kidding! I didn't get 1 minute of sleep. Yesterday seemed to go on forever! I was so tired. I put the kids to bed around 8. When they finally fell asleep around 9:30, I took a sleeping pill. Thankfully it worked. I was woken up to, "SARAH GET DOWN HERE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
It was 7:30 and all 3 kids were up and downstairs playing and fighting. I still hadn't made up for the previous nights sleep, but I had to get up and take care of the kids. What I wouldn't give for someone to say, "Sleep as long as you want. I will take care of the kids today." Of course that has never happened in the almost 7 years that I have been a mom. I think the first day that I don't have any appointments and all of the kids are in school, I'm going to sleep. I really miss sleeping. My body is so worn out from lack of sleep.
I was having (and soemtimes still do) dizzy spells and an irregular heartbeat. My doctor was so worried that there was something seriously wrong with my heart. After all the tests came back normal, she came up with something else. She gave me my first sleeping pill. I didn't have any dizzyness the next day. She figured out that all the problems I was having was because my body was excessively exhausted. I have kept track of my spells and whenever I don't sleep very much, I get them. They have been really bad for the last 2 days.
I laughed at my doctor when she told me the solution was simple. Get more rest. Yeah. In all my spare time! I told her maybe in 18 years I will be able to get more rest. But for now, I have to be careful. I can't drive when I am dizzy, so I have to really try to get enough sleep each night.
Eventhough I am so tired at night, sometimes I just can't sleep. Wednesday night, I went to bed at 11. I didn't fall asleep until after 3. I had to be up at 6:30 to get Isaiah ready for school. So, I went along Thursday with 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Of course on Thursday, I got a migrane that my medication didn't work on. I took a pain pill and that worked. Then I tried to sleep. I was up ALL night. I'm not kidding! I didn't get 1 minute of sleep. Yesterday seemed to go on forever! I was so tired. I put the kids to bed around 8. When they finally fell asleep around 9:30, I took a sleeping pill. Thankfully it worked. I was woken up to, "SARAH GET DOWN HERE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
It was 7:30 and all 3 kids were up and downstairs playing and fighting. I still hadn't made up for the previous nights sleep, but I had to get up and take care of the kids. What I wouldn't give for someone to say, "Sleep as long as you want. I will take care of the kids today." Of course that has never happened in the almost 7 years that I have been a mom. I think the first day that I don't have any appointments and all of the kids are in school, I'm going to sleep. I really miss sleeping. My body is so worn out from lack of sleep.
I was having (and soemtimes still do) dizzy spells and an irregular heartbeat. My doctor was so worried that there was something seriously wrong with my heart. After all the tests came back normal, she came up with something else. She gave me my first sleeping pill. I didn't have any dizzyness the next day. She figured out that all the problems I was having was because my body was excessively exhausted. I have kept track of my spells and whenever I don't sleep very much, I get them. They have been really bad for the last 2 days.
I laughed at my doctor when she told me the solution was simple. Get more rest. Yeah. In all my spare time! I told her maybe in 18 years I will be able to get more rest. But for now, I have to be careful. I can't drive when I am dizzy, so I have to really try to get enough sleep each night.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
All Day Preschool
In preparing for this class I want to take, I have to make sure that I have childcare set up now. I won't find out until the 26th if I got accepted and the class starts on the 31st. So, I decided to start Andrew and Noelle in the full day preschool program at their school. They will start Monday. I'm happy that I will get a nice break from the kids that I have never had before, but I'm sad because I won't be with them. Does that make any sense? They will be in shool from 8:30 to 3 every day. I wanted to start them now on it to make sure they are adjusted before I start school. I think Andrew will have a hard time with it. If I get in the class, they will be at the school until 6 instead of 3. That is a really long day for them. I feel so guilty but at the same time I know that no matter what I do, I will have to be away from them for many hours during the day. Unfortunately, I am the only provider for my kids and that requires me to get this training done and spend hours at work. I hate it, but what is my alternative? I really hope I get into this class. I love learning and going to school. I wish I had the time to go back to college to get a degree. I will one day. I want to get my AA then keep going to get a BA and maybe even a Masters. But for right now, I am just trying to make a happy life for me and my babies. The time I have with them is so short and I don't want to be away from them more than what I have to be.
I was really worried about Isaiah being in school and then going to daycare. He already has issues about his dad not wanting to be a part of his life. I don't want him to feel that I am abandoning him. He is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily. His dad has done enough damage in that department. Thankfully, my dad agreed that Isaiah shouldn't be in day care as long as he isn't working. He will pick Isaiah up from school and spend some much needed quality time with him. Isaiah doesn't like having to share me and my parents with his brother and sister, but he knows he doesn't have a choice. He has really been enjoying the time that him and I have while the other 2 are in school. He is behaving better and he doesn't seem so angry. I try to spend time with each kids by themselves each day, but sometimes that just doesn't happen and usually it's Isaiah that doesn't get his time. Now we have that time. I have talked to him about my going to school and he isn't too happy about it. He doesn't like that I won't be here to do homework with him or listen to him read or play the Wii with him. But he understands why I have to do it. I just wish it wasn't going to be so hard on him. He is such a special kid and my pride and joy. I love him so much.
I love all 3 of my kids in a way that I never thought was possible. They are my life. They are my strength. They are everything. I hate leaving them, but I want the best for them. The school that the 2 little ones go to is an awesome school. They actually care and love each child in the school. When we got the news about Noelle, they cried. The school director cried so much and just hugged me and my mom so tight. She didn't let us go for like 5 minutes. Then she grabbed Noelle and didn't let her go. The office staff cried. Her teachers cried. Teachers from the other classes cried. You could just feel the love and relief from every person on staff in that school. Where else could I find a school that cares and loves my kids almost as much as I do? So when I am away from them for all those hours, I don't have to worry about the care that my kids will be getting.
They say God works in mysterious ways. I must say that is definately true in my life. I just have to remember to let him take the wheel because he will never stear me wrong.
I was really worried about Isaiah being in school and then going to daycare. He already has issues about his dad not wanting to be a part of his life. I don't want him to feel that I am abandoning him. He is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily. His dad has done enough damage in that department. Thankfully, my dad agreed that Isaiah shouldn't be in day care as long as he isn't working. He will pick Isaiah up from school and spend some much needed quality time with him. Isaiah doesn't like having to share me and my parents with his brother and sister, but he knows he doesn't have a choice. He has really been enjoying the time that him and I have while the other 2 are in school. He is behaving better and he doesn't seem so angry. I try to spend time with each kids by themselves each day, but sometimes that just doesn't happen and usually it's Isaiah that doesn't get his time. Now we have that time. I have talked to him about my going to school and he isn't too happy about it. He doesn't like that I won't be here to do homework with him or listen to him read or play the Wii with him. But he understands why I have to do it. I just wish it wasn't going to be so hard on him. He is such a special kid and my pride and joy. I love him so much.
I love all 3 of my kids in a way that I never thought was possible. They are my life. They are my strength. They are everything. I hate leaving them, but I want the best for them. The school that the 2 little ones go to is an awesome school. They actually care and love each child in the school. When we got the news about Noelle, they cried. The school director cried so much and just hugged me and my mom so tight. She didn't let us go for like 5 minutes. Then she grabbed Noelle and didn't let her go. The office staff cried. Her teachers cried. Teachers from the other classes cried. You could just feel the love and relief from every person on staff in that school. Where else could I find a school that cares and loves my kids almost as much as I do? So when I am away from them for all those hours, I don't have to worry about the care that my kids will be getting.
They say God works in mysterious ways. I must say that is definately true in my life. I just have to remember to let him take the wheel because he will never stear me wrong.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I Don't Want to be a Welfare Mom Anymore
When I finally got up enough strength to leave my mentally, physically, and sexually abusive husband in March of 2007, I called the police and filed for an emergency restraining order. That order is only good for 7 days. I had to go to the courthouse to file for a more permanant order. Until I was able to get that order into place, I had to go into hiding at a domestic violence shelter. During our marriage, he made the majority of the money. I worked about 15 hours per week as my little break from being a mom of 2. He made really good money so I didn't have to work. And, he really didn't like me working. But, I did it anyway. Well, while I was at the shelter, I had to give up my cell phone so I couldn't be found and I had to let my job know I was in hiding. Therefore, I had no income at all. I was taken to the welfare office to apply for emergency aid. Since I was in the shelter and considered homeless, I was able to get some cash aid and foodstamps within 48 hours. I hated applying for welfare. My mom is a welfare worker and I knew all the stereotypes of someone on welfare. While I was at the shelter, I was tested for HIV and pregnancy. I expected both to come back negative. Boy was I shocked when the pregnancy test came back possitive. I had a few complications in the first trimester. The baby had no heart beat and was considered dead.
I figured I would just pass the dead baby like I had with my other miscarriages. I finally got the permanant restraining order and moved home with my parents. I went back to work and asked to be put on full time now that I had to support my 2 kids. When I didn't miscarry the baby on my own, my doctor decided to to a DandC just to find out that the baby was just fine and healthy. With the first trimester complications, I was labeled a high risk pregnancy. I had to leave my job, which meant I had to depend 100% on my welfare check to take care of my kids. I was humiliated. I didn't want the tax payers supporting me. But what choice did I have? I decided that as soon as the baby was born, I would get a job that payed enough to get me off welfare. While I was pregnant, I enrolled in college in the massage therapy program. I finished 4 of the 6 classes before the baby was born and went right back to finish the final 2. I graduated with a 4.0 gpa with honors and a job! I was thrilled. This welfare thing was going to go away. I graduated in 2008 just as the economy was plunging. I wasn't making any money. I gave it about 8 months before I started working another job at a grocery store. While there, I was making good money, plus my ex husband had started paying his $1200 child support. I had gotten my own place and things were going great. I was officially off welfare! Then a child support check that I was expecting didn't show up and he informed me that he lost his job. So back on welfare I had to go to make up some of that child support money. Then I got hurt at work on June 30, 2009 and I was put on disability in September. My income went from about $3500 per month to less than $1000. I lost my apartment and had to start collecting more welfare in order to make ends meat.
I am still on disability. I haven't received a child support check in almost 2 years. And to make things worse, I can never be licensed as a massage therapist because of the damage to my hand. I can't go back into the grocery business because my hand can't take that kind of trauma. I keep thinking how screwed I am and I will never get off welfare. Then I was talking to my hand surgeon about a computer training program that lasts for 3 months then has a 4 month paid internship. 85% of the program graduates turn that internship into a full time job. He was concerned about what typing will eventually do to my hand. I told him that no matter what I do, it will affect my hand. At least if I'm working in an office on a computer, I can rest my hand when I need to unlike working in retail where I would only be able to rest it when they told me I could. He agreed and signed the paper telling my company what we had discussed. Great! I'm on my way! NOT!
I called my welfare worker to let him know what my plan was. This program is free to low income people, but if a student is on welfare, the county pays for the program for them. My worker told me that I could not go to the program because it costs too much. He told me they would pay for me to go to college, but not to this program. Are you kidding? I was so upset, but what could I do? I decided to check with his supervisor just to make sure he was telling me the truth. She refered me to the employment specialist that had told him that. I talked to her yesterday. She informed me that the program costs the county $9000 and the drop out rate uis extremely higb. They just aren't willing to risk that kind of money when the county has such a huge deficit. She asked me why I'm not willing to just go to college. I told her the chances of me getting a job right out of college isn't very good right now. At least with this program there is a very good chance I will have a job when I am done. She told me to call her this morning after she had done some research on my case.
When I called this morning, she told me to convince her why she should make an exception for me. I point blank told her, "I don't want to be a welfare mom anymore." I told her that my kids deserve to have a home of their own. They deserve to be happy. They deserve the world. They deserve to be proud of their mom and know they can count on her to take care of them. If I went to college, it would take me so much longer to give them all of this. I just kept going on and on about how this is about my kids, not me. When I was done, she said I had convinced her. Now she has to convince her supervisor. The class starts on January 31, and I have to interview to get into the program. She told me to go to that interview and that she is pretty sure the county will support it.
Now I just have to pray I get accepted. If I get accepted, I will go to school starting on the 31st from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. And I will start my PAID internship May 1. This could be just the step I need to get off welfare for good! And what's better is once I have been working for 6 months straight, the county will arrange a loan through their bank for $4000 so I can get a car. I just hope this is my time! My kids deserve it and so do I.
I figured I would just pass the dead baby like I had with my other miscarriages. I finally got the permanant restraining order and moved home with my parents. I went back to work and asked to be put on full time now that I had to support my 2 kids. When I didn't miscarry the baby on my own, my doctor decided to to a DandC just to find out that the baby was just fine and healthy. With the first trimester complications, I was labeled a high risk pregnancy. I had to leave my job, which meant I had to depend 100% on my welfare check to take care of my kids. I was humiliated. I didn't want the tax payers supporting me. But what choice did I have? I decided that as soon as the baby was born, I would get a job that payed enough to get me off welfare. While I was pregnant, I enrolled in college in the massage therapy program. I finished 4 of the 6 classes before the baby was born and went right back to finish the final 2. I graduated with a 4.0 gpa with honors and a job! I was thrilled. This welfare thing was going to go away. I graduated in 2008 just as the economy was plunging. I wasn't making any money. I gave it about 8 months before I started working another job at a grocery store. While there, I was making good money, plus my ex husband had started paying his $1200 child support. I had gotten my own place and things were going great. I was officially off welfare! Then a child support check that I was expecting didn't show up and he informed me that he lost his job. So back on welfare I had to go to make up some of that child support money. Then I got hurt at work on June 30, 2009 and I was put on disability in September. My income went from about $3500 per month to less than $1000. I lost my apartment and had to start collecting more welfare in order to make ends meat.
I am still on disability. I haven't received a child support check in almost 2 years. And to make things worse, I can never be licensed as a massage therapist because of the damage to my hand. I can't go back into the grocery business because my hand can't take that kind of trauma. I keep thinking how screwed I am and I will never get off welfare. Then I was talking to my hand surgeon about a computer training program that lasts for 3 months then has a 4 month paid internship. 85% of the program graduates turn that internship into a full time job. He was concerned about what typing will eventually do to my hand. I told him that no matter what I do, it will affect my hand. At least if I'm working in an office on a computer, I can rest my hand when I need to unlike working in retail where I would only be able to rest it when they told me I could. He agreed and signed the paper telling my company what we had discussed. Great! I'm on my way! NOT!
I called my welfare worker to let him know what my plan was. This program is free to low income people, but if a student is on welfare, the county pays for the program for them. My worker told me that I could not go to the program because it costs too much. He told me they would pay for me to go to college, but not to this program. Are you kidding? I was so upset, but what could I do? I decided to check with his supervisor just to make sure he was telling me the truth. She refered me to the employment specialist that had told him that. I talked to her yesterday. She informed me that the program costs the county $9000 and the drop out rate uis extremely higb. They just aren't willing to risk that kind of money when the county has such a huge deficit. She asked me why I'm not willing to just go to college. I told her the chances of me getting a job right out of college isn't very good right now. At least with this program there is a very good chance I will have a job when I am done. She told me to call her this morning after she had done some research on my case.
When I called this morning, she told me to convince her why she should make an exception for me. I point blank told her, "I don't want to be a welfare mom anymore." I told her that my kids deserve to have a home of their own. They deserve to be happy. They deserve the world. They deserve to be proud of their mom and know they can count on her to take care of them. If I went to college, it would take me so much longer to give them all of this. I just kept going on and on about how this is about my kids, not me. When I was done, she said I had convinced her. Now she has to convince her supervisor. The class starts on January 31, and I have to interview to get into the program. She told me to go to that interview and that she is pretty sure the county will support it.
Now I just have to pray I get accepted. If I get accepted, I will go to school starting on the 31st from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. And I will start my PAID internship May 1. This could be just the step I need to get off welfare for good! And what's better is once I have been working for 6 months straight, the county will arrange a loan through their bank for $4000 so I can get a car. I just hope this is my time! My kids deserve it and so do I.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Proud Cub Scout Mommy
Some moms are proud soccer moms. Some moms are proud baseball moms. I'm a proud Cub Scout Mom. My son has been an official cub scout since June 1, 2010. His godmother suggested Cub Scouts for him when he was 5. I hadn't thought much about it. I just assumed that since I had 2 boys and a rough and tumble girl that I would be a soccer or baseball or football mom. Isaiah just isn't a sports oriented kid. I thought I would go ahead and let him give Cub Scouts a try. He wasn't old enough when we first tried to sign him up. They have to be in first grade. So when he was officially out of Kindergarten, I signed him up. He has loved it ever since. It gives him something to be proud of and keeps him busy. He has really started to come out of his shell since he has been going. We meet every Tuesday. Every other Tuesday is den meetings. One Tuesday is a pack meeting. The last Tuesday is a parent meeting. A pack consists of tiger cubs, wolf cubs, bear cubs, and weebelos. Isaiah is a tiger cub. He has earned 5 belt loops (an award for completing certain requirements) so far, 1 patch, and 10 beads. He is doing so well. Our pack does 1 fundraiser each year. We sell expensive pop corn. The cheapest bag is $10 and the most expensive box is $50. If he sold over $600, he would be awarded a marshmallow shooter. He wanted to win that so bad! I was like, "yeah, right. Who is going to buy this expensive pop corn?' You know what? He sold $609 worth! Not only did he sell the most out of everyone else in the pack, he sold the most in the HISTORY of the pack! When he is determined to do something, he does it. He should be getting his marshmallow shooter next Tuesday. He will also be getting 5 special ribbons that will go on the 100 year anniversary patch for the BSA. This is the only time these ribbons will ever be awarded and he gets all 5! Plus, he will get another belt loop for ice skating. He is almost done with his tiger cub book requirements which means he will be ready to join the wolf den in June. I have a lot of things that I am proud of when it comes to my kids, but I think this one takes the cake for Isaiah. He is awesome in school and I am extremely proud of that, but the way he really tries to excel in Cub Scouts makes me one proud Cub Scout Mommy!
Veteran's Day Parade 2010
Handing out food to the needy for Thanksgiving with his best friend.
Monday, January 3, 2011
My Shopping Day
I don't get many shopping days for myself anymore. That is one thing I gave up when I became a mommy. My shopping usually is for food or things the kids need. Sometimes I have to slip in some things for myself like shampoo and tooth paste. But today, I was able to buy something fo rmyself that was long overdue. I was able to buy 4, yes 4, new bras! The last time I did that was right after Andrew was born and he just turned 3. I was in desperate need of new ones. My kids godmother (my second mom) gave me a $25 gift card to Lane Bryant for Christmas. So I went to get 1 planning on spending around $20 of my own money on top of the gift card. (Yes, I know they are expensive, but they are so worth it!) When I go in, there are signs everywhere that if you buy 2 bras you get 2 free. WHAT??? Really??? I couldn't believe it! So I decided to pay a little more to get 3 more. When I get to the counter, the lady asked me if I wanted to apply for a Lane Bryant credit card. I told her no because I know I won't qualify for one. She said that if I just applied, whether I get one or not, I will get another 25% off my purchase today. I was so happy! So I applied. I will be notified by mail when they reject my application. So, I ended up spending (after I used my gift card) $33.00. How awesome is that?!? My total savings was something like $88. I did very well I think.
You really learn to appreciate the little things, like the feel of a new bra, when you are on a very tight income with 3 kids to take care of. I very rarely spend money on myself and when I do, I usually feel guilty. But not today. I deserve my purchase! At least I think so anyway.
You really learn to appreciate the little things, like the feel of a new bra, when you are on a very tight income with 3 kids to take care of. I very rarely spend money on myself and when I do, I usually feel guilty. But not today. I deserve my purchase! At least I think so anyway.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
40 Day P.U.S.H.
Every year, our church brings in the new year with a 40 day P.U.S.H. P.U.S.H. stands for Pray Until Something Happens. We believe that we should be doing this all year long, but what a way to start the year off 100% focused on that. During the 40 days, we do different things showing our obedience to God and to our commitment of P.U.S.H.ing all year roud. So here is what we do.
1. January 1-10: Fast something. Our family believes that it should be something that will really make a difference. Most people focus on a food for this portion. Isaiah is fasting his new pirate ship that he got for Christmas. That is a big thing for him. Noelle, Andrew and I have decided to fast bread. Boy, you don't realize how much you depend on something until you can't have it. My mom chose meat and my dad chose soda. For those that don't know my dad, he drinks soda 24/7. No kidding.
2. January 11-20: Random acts of kindness. This one isn't that hard, seeing as most of the time we try to do this anyway. We have a list of different things to do, but I will wait until that week to go into detail.
3. January 21-30: No Media. This includes TV, Internet and video games. This one is hard especially with little ones. But the importance of this one is great. We always make excuses that we don't have time. Christians say they wish they had more time to pray or read the Bible. Parents say they wish they had more time for their kids. We all say we wish we had more time for family. When you turn everything extra off, you realize just how much time you do have and how much of that time is wasted with the media that has overtaken our lives. So, obviously for these 10 days, I will not be blogging or facebooking.
4. January 31-February10: No negative communication. It sounds easy, but it is the hardest of them all. Most times, we don't even know we are doing it. That's what makes it so bad. It has become an everyday thing for us. During these 10 days you really learn to think before you speak and to only speak good things. Like I said, this one is the hardest and the one dreaded by the majority of our church family. Our pastor has a system that is a great way of keeping track. Everyone in their family starts out with 20 $1 bills. Every time they say something negative, they have to hand over $1. If they have anything left at the end of the 10 days, they get to keep it. I think it's a great incentive for the kids. Only one of my kids is old enough to appreciate the value of money so this idea will have to wait for another few years for my family.
I'm hoping by the end of these 40 days that I will be a better person, a stronger Christian, and a top notch mom. I also started a daily devotion with the kids. The book that we use is just for the kids and the lessons are short and to the point. Last night was Genisis 1:1. We talked about how God created the world but his greatest creation was us. The kids really got that. They love that they are #1 in God's book.
I'm proud that I have raised my kids in the Penticostal church. They have start their lives on solid ground and hopefully, as they get older, realize that without God, life isn't as great as what it could be with Him. I know not everyone agrees with me, and that's ok. Everyone chooses different paths. This is the path I have chosen for me and my kids.
I truely believe that because of our prayers and the prayers of our church family, Noelle's MRI showed nothing to worry about. Her CT scan showed something. That was why we got the MRI and were refered to the oncologist. While we were waiting for these appointments, tons of people were praying for her. Even people we didn't know. All these prayers were answered and for that I am truely thankful.
1. January 1-10: Fast something. Our family believes that it should be something that will really make a difference. Most people focus on a food for this portion. Isaiah is fasting his new pirate ship that he got for Christmas. That is a big thing for him. Noelle, Andrew and I have decided to fast bread. Boy, you don't realize how much you depend on something until you can't have it. My mom chose meat and my dad chose soda. For those that don't know my dad, he drinks soda 24/7. No kidding.
2. January 11-20: Random acts of kindness. This one isn't that hard, seeing as most of the time we try to do this anyway. We have a list of different things to do, but I will wait until that week to go into detail.
3. January 21-30: No Media. This includes TV, Internet and video games. This one is hard especially with little ones. But the importance of this one is great. We always make excuses that we don't have time. Christians say they wish they had more time to pray or read the Bible. Parents say they wish they had more time for their kids. We all say we wish we had more time for family. When you turn everything extra off, you realize just how much time you do have and how much of that time is wasted with the media that has overtaken our lives. So, obviously for these 10 days, I will not be blogging or facebooking.
4. January 31-February10: No negative communication. It sounds easy, but it is the hardest of them all. Most times, we don't even know we are doing it. That's what makes it so bad. It has become an everyday thing for us. During these 10 days you really learn to think before you speak and to only speak good things. Like I said, this one is the hardest and the one dreaded by the majority of our church family. Our pastor has a system that is a great way of keeping track. Everyone in their family starts out with 20 $1 bills. Every time they say something negative, they have to hand over $1. If they have anything left at the end of the 10 days, they get to keep it. I think it's a great incentive for the kids. Only one of my kids is old enough to appreciate the value of money so this idea will have to wait for another few years for my family.
I'm hoping by the end of these 40 days that I will be a better person, a stronger Christian, and a top notch mom. I also started a daily devotion with the kids. The book that we use is just for the kids and the lessons are short and to the point. Last night was Genisis 1:1. We talked about how God created the world but his greatest creation was us. The kids really got that. They love that they are #1 in God's book.
I'm proud that I have raised my kids in the Penticostal church. They have start their lives on solid ground and hopefully, as they get older, realize that without God, life isn't as great as what it could be with Him. I know not everyone agrees with me, and that's ok. Everyone chooses different paths. This is the path I have chosen for me and my kids.
I truely believe that because of our prayers and the prayers of our church family, Noelle's MRI showed nothing to worry about. Her CT scan showed something. That was why we got the MRI and were refered to the oncologist. While we were waiting for these appointments, tons of people were praying for her. Even people we didn't know. All these prayers were answered and for that I am truely thankful.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
My First Blog
I have decided to make a new years resolution this year as corny as that sounds. I don't usually because it usually ends up in dissappointment. But, thanks to one of my friends, whose life I enjoy reading about in her blog, I have decided to start blogging my life. I really don't care if people read this or not, but at least I know it is there. But for the ones who do read this, I hope that maybe I can help them or they can help me be a better parent. This will be a place I can put down all my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about offending anyone. This will be just my life and how I see things.
My kids are my life. Yes, they annoy me, but they also keep me going everyday. When things get really bad, I think about just giving up, but they keep me strong. I have to be strong for them and for me.
Being a single mom is nothing new to me. I left my abusive ex husband in March of 2007 before I knew I was pregnant with our third child. Facing the reality of being a single parent to not just 2, but 3 kids was more than I could bear. When the doctors told me that I was miscarrying my baby, I was actually happy. As much as I hate to admit it now, that's just how I felt. I didn't know if I could raise 2 kids on my own let alone 3. When I found out that the baby was fine, I really had to get used to the idea of having 3 kids totally dependant on me. It is still a hard concept for me. Everyday faces new challenges and something new to learn. I am thankful for my 3 kids and would give them the world if I could.
The year 2010 held many challenges for me. I think the worst one of all was the possibility that my daughter had a brain tumor. I just found out 4 days ago that it's just a cyst and nothing that needs to be worried about. I had been dealing with this torture for a few months before we got the great news that she is just fine. She has other medical issues, but nothing life threatening. I can deal with her epilepsy. Thankfully, she is very well controlled on her medication.
My older son gives me a challenge everyday. He is really smart and figures things out really quickly. But he can't figure out why his father wants nothing to do with him. I can't even figure that one out. He is very angry about the whole thing and takes it out on whoever is there. He will beat on his brother or sister, or he will yell at whoever is in the room with him. I don't know how to help him through this. It would be so much easier if their father would just leave them alone. He sees them for 2 hours each week, that is, when he shows up. The kids see him as a playdate not their father. If you ask the kids who is in their family, they will say their siblings, me and their grandparents. They never think of him as part of the family.
My baby is super sweet and gives hugs and kisses all the time. I am so thankful that I didn't loose him during pregnancy. He has made my life complete. He is very easy going and usually the best behaved.
I hope that through this blog, I will be able to discover new things and to appreciate the little things. I know I have a lot of issues that need to be resolved but I also know that I am doing the best I can with what I have.
My kids are my life. Yes, they annoy me, but they also keep me going everyday. When things get really bad, I think about just giving up, but they keep me strong. I have to be strong for them and for me.
Being a single mom is nothing new to me. I left my abusive ex husband in March of 2007 before I knew I was pregnant with our third child. Facing the reality of being a single parent to not just 2, but 3 kids was more than I could bear. When the doctors told me that I was miscarrying my baby, I was actually happy. As much as I hate to admit it now, that's just how I felt. I didn't know if I could raise 2 kids on my own let alone 3. When I found out that the baby was fine, I really had to get used to the idea of having 3 kids totally dependant on me. It is still a hard concept for me. Everyday faces new challenges and something new to learn. I am thankful for my 3 kids and would give them the world if I could.
The year 2010 held many challenges for me. I think the worst one of all was the possibility that my daughter had a brain tumor. I just found out 4 days ago that it's just a cyst and nothing that needs to be worried about. I had been dealing with this torture for a few months before we got the great news that she is just fine. She has other medical issues, but nothing life threatening. I can deal with her epilepsy. Thankfully, she is very well controlled on her medication.
My older son gives me a challenge everyday. He is really smart and figures things out really quickly. But he can't figure out why his father wants nothing to do with him. I can't even figure that one out. He is very angry about the whole thing and takes it out on whoever is there. He will beat on his brother or sister, or he will yell at whoever is in the room with him. I don't know how to help him through this. It would be so much easier if their father would just leave them alone. He sees them for 2 hours each week, that is, when he shows up. The kids see him as a playdate not their father. If you ask the kids who is in their family, they will say their siblings, me and their grandparents. They never think of him as part of the family.
My baby is super sweet and gives hugs and kisses all the time. I am so thankful that I didn't loose him during pregnancy. He has made my life complete. He is very easy going and usually the best behaved.
I hope that through this blog, I will be able to discover new things and to appreciate the little things. I know I have a lot of issues that need to be resolved but I also know that I am doing the best I can with what I have.
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