Thursday, February 3, 2011
First Week Of School
Wow! This first week of school is already done. That went so fast. Tomorrow I find out if I get to continue in the class. I have learned so much already. I really hope I get to continue. I'm pretty confident that I will be ablt to continue, but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind. I know this class is going to be very difficult, but I also know that when I am done, I will be so educated on the computer and with all the programs. It has been hard getting used to getting up and being in an office ALL day, but I am getting used to it. I like most of the people in my class so that really helps. While my eyes adjust to the change, I have to live with horrible headaches, but Excedrin Migrane works very well. I have been so tired when I get home that I don't even trun my computer on. After sitting at a computer for most of the day, the last thing I want to do is come home and get on the computer. Even though my goal was to write in this blog everyday, I am ok with the fact that it may be once a week now. This class is my ticket to a better job. With all the skills they will be teaching us, I will be a better candiate for administrative jobs. Jobs where your boss doesn't throw big cans and crush your hands. My hand is doing ok with this training as long as I put my prescription gel on it on every break. It is definately inflammed, but I can't afford to be on Workers Comp anymore. So, I will deal with this pain every day. I pray that one day, the pain will just go away. But for now, I just pretend that I don't feel anything. I'm good at that. As long as I am able to continue this class, my graduation will be April 21. They go all out with cap and gowns and even hold it in a theatre. I know I will be walking across that stage! I want, and need, this too badly. So, tomorrow I will know if I get to continue! I'm nervous and excited!
Friday, January 21, 2011
So Happy
I was going to write about something completely different tonight, but now I have to share my good news with everyone. I talked about a class that I have been trying to get into in my blog titled "I don't want to be a welfare mom anymore." They were supposed to make their final decision on the 26th on who will be starting the program on the 31st. Well, around 5:00 tonight, I got a call from one of the instructors informing me that I was chosen to be in the class. I started crying while I was talking to him. Finally, I can see a light in the darkness. I am on my way to making this life better for me and, most importantly, for my kids. This is it! I thought 2011 was going to be a horrible year, but now, I KNOW it is going to be awesome. In just 3 months, I will be getting a paycheck. Not a welfare check. Not a worker's comp check. A PAYcheck. Money I, myself earned. I am hoping that now, my worker's comp case can go to court so I can get my settlement. With that and my new job, I should be able to get reliable transportation, and then, my own place to call home. I am living proof that God really does answer prayer. I have several areas in which he has proven Himself to be real to me. This is just one more to add to the list. Some people say they don't believe in God because they can't see Him. My answer to that? I see how He works in my life and through my life. I could share numerous stories, but for right now, this is the one I am concentrating on. Hundreds of people applied and tested for this class. They chose 20 of those people. I am one of them! I will give it 1000% effort. I want to not only finish this class, but I want to be the BEST. This is my chance and I am so thankful for it!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Not Myself
The past few days, I just haven't been feeling like myself. I'm in a bad mood constantly. What's up with that? I have been thinking about all the negatives in my life instead of the possitives. That is soemthing that I really need to work on. If I can't change it, I need to stop thinking about it. That is so much easier said than done though. My mind is continuously going and I find myself letting these things take over my mind instead of what I should be thinking about. For example, I NEED a car. I have one that doesn't work, but I can't afford to get it fixed. I don't have the income necessary to buy one. There is nothing I can do about it. Yet, I continue to try to fix it. I get angry that the kids' father has a car, yet tells me he isn't working so he can't help financially support our kids. I think a lot of my anger starts with their father. I know I need to let it go since there is nothing I can do about it, but I guess I just don't understand how he can totally just right the kids off and feel that he doesn't have to support them at all. Everything I do is for the kids. They are the center of my world, not the opposite. Their needs come before my own. And he is the complete opposite. So selfish. I just don't understand. He owes over $40,000 in child support. Money that my kids need and deserve. But, I can't change it, so I need to not worry about it. I think this year, that is something that I am really going to work on. I would probably be a much happier person if I master that.
So here's some happy things to think about. This last Saturday, we took the kids to Toys R Us to use their $50 gift cards that my grandfather sent each of the kids. Isaiah picked out a really awesome remote control fire truck. The thing is huge. It has working lights and an arial ladder that you can control with the remote. It even squirts water. Noelle got a doll carseat, diaper bag full of stuff, and a Wii game where she gets to build her own zoo and take care of the animals. Andrew got a Weebles tree house that has an elevator and slide. It plays music too. He also got a Mater that talks. The kids did really good in picking out their things. They only went over their gift cards by $20.
This weekend is Isaiah's first over night trip with the cub scouts. We will be spending the night on a navy aircraft carrier. I can't wait. I just know we are going to have a great time. This trip will be during our 10 day media fast, so I will blog it on the 31st.
So here's some happy things to think about. This last Saturday, we took the kids to Toys R Us to use their $50 gift cards that my grandfather sent each of the kids. Isaiah picked out a really awesome remote control fire truck. The thing is huge. It has working lights and an arial ladder that you can control with the remote. It even squirts water. Noelle got a doll carseat, diaper bag full of stuff, and a Wii game where she gets to build her own zoo and take care of the animals. Andrew got a Weebles tree house that has an elevator and slide. It plays music too. He also got a Mater that talks. The kids did really good in picking out their things. They only went over their gift cards by $20.
This weekend is Isaiah's first over night trip with the cub scouts. We will be spending the night on a navy aircraft carrier. I can't wait. I just know we are going to have a great time. This trip will be during our 10 day media fast, so I will blog it on the 31st.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The One Thing That Will Always Make Me Mad
I'm not going to lie. I get mad a lot. And most of the time it's out of frustration from not having any help with raising 3 young children. Every parent deserves some kind of break each day. Whether it be a walk around the block or going to the grocery store without the kids. For almost 7 years now, I haven't had 1 minute to myself. I always have at least 1 kids with me at all times. Shoot, I can't even take a shower alone. I also get frustrated that I am trying to raise these kids on about $1,100 per month with absolutely NO child support. I do have a child support order, but in the great state of California, they only enforce it by taking away business and drivers licences. That's just great. Their father doesn't have either. And as irritated as I get with that, that's still not what will always make me mad.
The thing that ALWAYS makes me mad is when someone criticizes my parenting. My ex husband used to do that. My parents do that. And, today, a doctor did that. My son is overweight. We know this. We have been working on it for the last almost 2 years. He is just a big kid. This doctor told me that I need to focus on the cleanliness of my child and take him to weight management classes. She also told me that I could benefit from those classes as well. Then she preceded to tell me, in front of my son, that I should have him in sports, not let him drink soda and juice because they are full of sugar, and not to give him junk food.
Point 1: His cleanliness-my son takes a shower every day. Not 1 day goes by that he doesn't shower. At the end of the school day, he smells like a kid because he plays a lot at school and he sweats. He takes his showers before he goes to bed EVERY night.
Point 2: weight management classes-his regular doctor referred us to a nutritionist 2 years ago. We have followed her recommendations since. What is a class going to do except take up more time in my day? Don't you think that if his regular doctor wanted us in there, we would be in there?
Point 3: I could benefit from those classes-I'm sorry. I thought the appointment was for my son. Stupid me! As far as I am concerned, my body is none of your business and how dare you think you have the right to say something like that to me. I know I am not small, but you know what? I have never been small in my whole life and, except for the number on the scale, I am very healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. Both actually run on the low side. My cholesterol is is low too. But, then again, that was none of your business as a pediatrician.
Point 4: he should be playing sports-yes he should, so write me a check so I can pay for it. Sports are far from free and I just don't have the money for it. Thanks for putting the ideas in his head though.
Point 5: don't let him drink soda or juice because they are full of sugar-why do you automatically assume I give my child soda and a ton of juice? You can tell just by looking at me that I give him sugary soda and juice everyday? Let me inform you that my son rarely gets soda and when he does get it, it's diet soda. And he gets 1 glass of 100% fruit juice a day. Thank you very much!
Point 6: no junk food-we get less junk food than we get soda! Hello? Fixed income! We can't afford junk food from restaurants and I use my food stamps to buy meats, produce and healthy lunch snacks at Costco. I never buy artificial fruit snacks or sugary snacks, His "treat" for his lunch is a bag of sun chips or dried fruit.
I guess the point that I am making is unless you see me treating my child horribly or abusing him, don't judge my parenting by the cover. I love my kids and will do anything to keep them healthy and safe. If you feel that I am doing something wrong as a parent, please keep it to yourself unless I ask you for your opinion. Especially if you don't know me or the story behind things. My kids are happy and healthy kids that know they are loved and taken care of. Thank you.
The thing that ALWAYS makes me mad is when someone criticizes my parenting. My ex husband used to do that. My parents do that. And, today, a doctor did that. My son is overweight. We know this. We have been working on it for the last almost 2 years. He is just a big kid. This doctor told me that I need to focus on the cleanliness of my child and take him to weight management classes. She also told me that I could benefit from those classes as well. Then she preceded to tell me, in front of my son, that I should have him in sports, not let him drink soda and juice because they are full of sugar, and not to give him junk food.
Point 1: His cleanliness-my son takes a shower every day. Not 1 day goes by that he doesn't shower. At the end of the school day, he smells like a kid because he plays a lot at school and he sweats. He takes his showers before he goes to bed EVERY night.
Point 2: weight management classes-his regular doctor referred us to a nutritionist 2 years ago. We have followed her recommendations since. What is a class going to do except take up more time in my day? Don't you think that if his regular doctor wanted us in there, we would be in there?
Point 3: I could benefit from those classes-I'm sorry. I thought the appointment was for my son. Stupid me! As far as I am concerned, my body is none of your business and how dare you think you have the right to say something like that to me. I know I am not small, but you know what? I have never been small in my whole life and, except for the number on the scale, I am very healthy. I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure. Both actually run on the low side. My cholesterol is is low too. But, then again, that was none of your business as a pediatrician.
Point 4: he should be playing sports-yes he should, so write me a check so I can pay for it. Sports are far from free and I just don't have the money for it. Thanks for putting the ideas in his head though.
Point 5: don't let him drink soda or juice because they are full of sugar-why do you automatically assume I give my child soda and a ton of juice? You can tell just by looking at me that I give him sugary soda and juice everyday? Let me inform you that my son rarely gets soda and when he does get it, it's diet soda. And he gets 1 glass of 100% fruit juice a day. Thank you very much!
Point 6: no junk food-we get less junk food than we get soda! Hello? Fixed income! We can't afford junk food from restaurants and I use my food stamps to buy meats, produce and healthy lunch snacks at Costco. I never buy artificial fruit snacks or sugary snacks, His "treat" for his lunch is a bag of sun chips or dried fruit.
I guess the point that I am making is unless you see me treating my child horribly or abusing him, don't judge my parenting by the cover. I love my kids and will do anything to keep them healthy and safe. If you feel that I am doing something wrong as a parent, please keep it to yourself unless I ask you for your opinion. Especially if you don't know me or the story behind things. My kids are happy and healthy kids that know they are loved and taken care of. Thank you.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
2 Days to Catch Up On
So, yesterday I went for my second interview for the class I want to go to. She told me that I was an awesome fit for the class so don't screw up the English test. I took the English test today and OMG! It was soooooo easy! I think my 6 year old could have passed it. But the sad part is that some people actually fail it! We were timed for each section and I was the first one done every time. I finished each section before the half way point. Everyone else either barely finished when time was up or didn't finish at all. I was sitting there thinking, "This is our future. These people will, or are already, raising kids and they don't even know BASIC English." We are talking what word is supposed to have a capital letter? What word fits in the sentence? Opposites. Basic vocabulary and spelling. I fear for the future. My mom, who works for the welfare department, was told by one of her clients moms that she needed to learn ebonics because it's the new language in California. What? And she was dead serious. Maybe it's the new language in the welfare office, but not everywhere else. So, all in all, I'm about 90% sure I will be in this class. YAY ME!
Now back to yesterday. Last night, my son carried the United States flag for his cub scout pack meeting. Boy was I one proud mom! He carried that flag with such pride. That was his shinning moment. Then he led the den in the Pledge of Allegance. So awesome! Then they watched a movie about how fathers get when it's time to build the pinewood derby cars. It was so funny and so true for some. The boys got their piece of wood and wheels as Christmas presents from the pack. The derby is March 8. I was a little worried about how Isaiah was going to handle this event since it is traditionally a father/son event. He was really sad at first, but then one of the guys at church (my kids call him Handy Manny) is going to help him build his car. He is so awesome! Now Isaiah is excited to start build his car. We have a tiger den field trip this weekend to the fire station. It should be fun. I got to set it up, so I made sure we are going to the station that has the ladder truck. Ladder trucks are so much cooler than just plain engines (not that engines aren't cool too).
Then, next weekend, Isaiah gets to go on an overnight trip on the USS Hornet. How cool is that? My dad is going to take him. I really want to go, but I can't leave the little ones over night. When Andrew is a tiger, I'm going!
This morning was really hard. Andrew did not want to be left at school today. He almost made me cry. He was holding on to me. I told him that I had to go. He cried, "but I love you! Don't leave me!" It was so hard to leave. That made me feel so guilty about leaving him. But, I had to go. The school is a really awesome school and I know if he continued to have a problem, they would call me. I walked away listening to him call for me. I hated that. His teacher said he was upset for about 15 minutes, then he settled down and started playing. I really wish I could stay home with them all the time. I would LOVE to be a full time stay at home mom. Too bad that job doesn't pay the bills. I know down deep that I am doing the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Now back to yesterday. Last night, my son carried the United States flag for his cub scout pack meeting. Boy was I one proud mom! He carried that flag with such pride. That was his shinning moment. Then he led the den in the Pledge of Allegance. So awesome! Then they watched a movie about how fathers get when it's time to build the pinewood derby cars. It was so funny and so true for some. The boys got their piece of wood and wheels as Christmas presents from the pack. The derby is March 8. I was a little worried about how Isaiah was going to handle this event since it is traditionally a father/son event. He was really sad at first, but then one of the guys at church (my kids call him Handy Manny) is going to help him build his car. He is so awesome! Now Isaiah is excited to start build his car. We have a tiger den field trip this weekend to the fire station. It should be fun. I got to set it up, so I made sure we are going to the station that has the ladder truck. Ladder trucks are so much cooler than just plain engines (not that engines aren't cool too).
Then, next weekend, Isaiah gets to go on an overnight trip on the USS Hornet. How cool is that? My dad is going to take him. I really want to go, but I can't leave the little ones over night. When Andrew is a tiger, I'm going!
This morning was really hard. Andrew did not want to be left at school today. He almost made me cry. He was holding on to me. I told him that I had to go. He cried, "but I love you! Don't leave me!" It was so hard to leave. That made me feel so guilty about leaving him. But, I had to go. The school is a really awesome school and I know if he continued to have a problem, they would call me. I walked away listening to him call for me. I hated that. His teacher said he was upset for about 15 minutes, then he settled down and started playing. I really wish I could stay home with them all the time. I would LOVE to be a full time stay at home mom. Too bad that job doesn't pay the bills. I know down deep that I am doing the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Monday, January 10, 2011
What's New Today
Wow! What a day of screaming, cranky children! Noelle and Andrew are not used to getting up early. And Noelle is definately not a morning girl. That child drove me nuts trying to get her up and ready this morning. I got up at 6 to get myself ready for my interview then I got all 3 kids up at 6:30. Isaiah is used to it so he just gave me his "I don't want to go to school today! I think I'm sick!" But he got up and got ready without too much attitude. Andrew was so easy. He woke up, got dressed and was so cuddly. Noelle was screaming at the top of her lungs. I couldn't believe the huge deal she was making out of getting up. I tried putting on her clothes just to have her take them off and throw them. Boy was she testing my patience! I finally got her dressed and got all 3 kids downstairs ready to eat breakfast. Thankfully my dad fixes them breakfast since he is up to drive us around anyway. Although I still can't wait to get a car. We got Isaiah to school and then went to Andrew and Noelle's school. Noelle threw herself on the ground in the parking lot of the school. It was 27 degrees out there and she was on the freezing cement. When she does that stuff, I don't baby her like some parents. I don't pick her up and try to make her feel better. What lesson would she get from that? So she laid there screaming for something like 5 minutes. Finally she got cold enough to get up. Then she refused to carry her back pack. That is another thing I don't do for my kids. As soon as my kids could walk, they carried their back packs with their diapers and stuff. That's one way to get them potty trained if they don't like carrying their diaper changing supplies. She finally figured out that I wasn't in the mood to be dealing with her attitude so she picked up her things and walked to class.
Since the kids were starting full day preschool, a few things changed. The big thing is that Noelle and Andrew are no longer in the same class room. Andrew wasn't too sure about that. He was actually kind of scared. I was thinking to muself that maybe he needs me home a little longer. Maybe he just isn't ready to be in school all day yet. I decided to just leave and see what would happen. I know that if he didn't do ok that his teacher would call me. So, I left. But I was a little worried about him. Then I dropped Noelle at her class where she started throwing a fit and threw her hat and gloves around the class room. Thankfully, her teachers feel the same way I do about her fits. They are not tolerated. So they said don't worry. I could leave her even with her throwing a fit.
Then I was dropped off at the training program. I was the first one there which was awesome for me. I filled out my application and got first pick of where to sit in the classroom. Then after the presentation about the program, I was the first to be interviewed. I think I totally nailed it! I was asked to come back tomorrow for a second interview and on Wednesday for a reading assessment test. I feel really confident that I am meant to be in this class. We shall soon see.
I picked up Isaiah from school and he had a little trouble. He was put on the sad face because he was playing when the teacher was talking. His punishment was no playing the Wii today. We really didn't have time to play, so that was not a big loss.
Then I picked up the other two. They had a great day. Noelle came out of her mood and Andrew started to feel comfortable in his new class. Neither one of them napped, but I knew they wouldn't. So now I feel a little better about leaving them all day. Not great, but better.
We came home. I helped Isaiah with his homework. Then made dinner. Then showers. Then bed. The boys were asleep by 7:30. Noelle just now fell asleep so she should be nice and cranky tomorrow when it's time to wake her up. Oh Boy!
Since the kids were starting full day preschool, a few things changed. The big thing is that Noelle and Andrew are no longer in the same class room. Andrew wasn't too sure about that. He was actually kind of scared. I was thinking to muself that maybe he needs me home a little longer. Maybe he just isn't ready to be in school all day yet. I decided to just leave and see what would happen. I know that if he didn't do ok that his teacher would call me. So, I left. But I was a little worried about him. Then I dropped Noelle at her class where she started throwing a fit and threw her hat and gloves around the class room. Thankfully, her teachers feel the same way I do about her fits. They are not tolerated. So they said don't worry. I could leave her even with her throwing a fit.
Then I was dropped off at the training program. I was the first one there which was awesome for me. I filled out my application and got first pick of where to sit in the classroom. Then after the presentation about the program, I was the first to be interviewed. I think I totally nailed it! I was asked to come back tomorrow for a second interview and on Wednesday for a reading assessment test. I feel really confident that I am meant to be in this class. We shall soon see.
I picked up Isaiah from school and he had a little trouble. He was put on the sad face because he was playing when the teacher was talking. His punishment was no playing the Wii today. We really didn't have time to play, so that was not a big loss.
Then I picked up the other two. They had a great day. Noelle came out of her mood and Andrew started to feel comfortable in his new class. Neither one of them napped, but I knew they wouldn't. So now I feel a little better about leaving them all day. Not great, but better.
We came home. I helped Isaiah with his homework. Then made dinner. Then showers. Then bed. The boys were asleep by 7:30. Noelle just now fell asleep so she should be nice and cranky tomorrow when it's time to wake her up. Oh Boy!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sleep Deprived
One thing that I totally sacrafised for my kids is my love of sleeping. I used to be able to sleep when ever I wanted and for how long I wanted. Not anymore. People tell me to sleep when the kids sleep. Really? If I did that, when would I have time to clean and take a shower? I do most of my laundry at night and into the wee hours of the morning. That way I know it gets done and doesn't have to be redone because the kids mess it up.
Eventhough I am so tired at night, sometimes I just can't sleep. Wednesday night, I went to bed at 11. I didn't fall asleep until after 3. I had to be up at 6:30 to get Isaiah ready for school. So, I went along Thursday with 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Of course on Thursday, I got a migrane that my medication didn't work on. I took a pain pill and that worked. Then I tried to sleep. I was up ALL night. I'm not kidding! I didn't get 1 minute of sleep. Yesterday seemed to go on forever! I was so tired. I put the kids to bed around 8. When they finally fell asleep around 9:30, I took a sleeping pill. Thankfully it worked. I was woken up to, "SARAH GET DOWN HERE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
It was 7:30 and all 3 kids were up and downstairs playing and fighting. I still hadn't made up for the previous nights sleep, but I had to get up and take care of the kids. What I wouldn't give for someone to say, "Sleep as long as you want. I will take care of the kids today." Of course that has never happened in the almost 7 years that I have been a mom. I think the first day that I don't have any appointments and all of the kids are in school, I'm going to sleep. I really miss sleeping. My body is so worn out from lack of sleep.
I was having (and soemtimes still do) dizzy spells and an irregular heartbeat. My doctor was so worried that there was something seriously wrong with my heart. After all the tests came back normal, she came up with something else. She gave me my first sleeping pill. I didn't have any dizzyness the next day. She figured out that all the problems I was having was because my body was excessively exhausted. I have kept track of my spells and whenever I don't sleep very much, I get them. They have been really bad for the last 2 days.
I laughed at my doctor when she told me the solution was simple. Get more rest. Yeah. In all my spare time! I told her maybe in 18 years I will be able to get more rest. But for now, I have to be careful. I can't drive when I am dizzy, so I have to really try to get enough sleep each night.
Eventhough I am so tired at night, sometimes I just can't sleep. Wednesday night, I went to bed at 11. I didn't fall asleep until after 3. I had to be up at 6:30 to get Isaiah ready for school. So, I went along Thursday with 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Of course on Thursday, I got a migrane that my medication didn't work on. I took a pain pill and that worked. Then I tried to sleep. I was up ALL night. I'm not kidding! I didn't get 1 minute of sleep. Yesterday seemed to go on forever! I was so tired. I put the kids to bed around 8. When they finally fell asleep around 9:30, I took a sleeping pill. Thankfully it worked. I was woken up to, "SARAH GET DOWN HERE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"
It was 7:30 and all 3 kids were up and downstairs playing and fighting. I still hadn't made up for the previous nights sleep, but I had to get up and take care of the kids. What I wouldn't give for someone to say, "Sleep as long as you want. I will take care of the kids today." Of course that has never happened in the almost 7 years that I have been a mom. I think the first day that I don't have any appointments and all of the kids are in school, I'm going to sleep. I really miss sleeping. My body is so worn out from lack of sleep.
I was having (and soemtimes still do) dizzy spells and an irregular heartbeat. My doctor was so worried that there was something seriously wrong with my heart. After all the tests came back normal, she came up with something else. She gave me my first sleeping pill. I didn't have any dizzyness the next day. She figured out that all the problems I was having was because my body was excessively exhausted. I have kept track of my spells and whenever I don't sleep very much, I get them. They have been really bad for the last 2 days.
I laughed at my doctor when she told me the solution was simple. Get more rest. Yeah. In all my spare time! I told her maybe in 18 years I will be able to get more rest. But for now, I have to be careful. I can't drive when I am dizzy, so I have to really try to get enough sleep each night.
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