Not Myself

The past few days, I just haven't been feeling like myself. I'm in a bad mood constantly. What's up with that? I have been thinking about all the negatives in my life instead of the possitives. That is soemthing that I really need to work on. If  I can't change it, I need to stop thinking about it. That is so much easier said than done though. My mind is continuously going and I find myself letting these things take over my mind instead of what I should be thinking about. For example, I NEED a car. I have one that doesn't work, but I can't afford to get it fixed. I don't have the income necessary to buy one. There is nothing I can do about it. Yet, I continue to try to fix it. I get angry that the kids' father has a car, yet tells me he isn't working so he can't help financially support our kids. I think a lot of my anger starts with their father. I know I need to let it go since there is nothing I can do about it, but I guess I just don't understand how he can totally just right the kids off and feel that he doesn't have to support them at all. Everything I do is for the kids. They are the center of my world, not the opposite. Their needs come before my own. And he is the complete opposite. So selfish. I just don't understand. He owes over $40,000 in child support. Money that my kids need and deserve. But, I can't change it, so I need to not worry about it. I think this year, that is something that I am really going to work on. I would probably be a much happier person if I master that.

So here's some happy things to think about. This last Saturday, we took the kids to Toys R Us to use their $50 gift cards that my grandfather sent each of the kids. Isaiah picked out a really awesome remote control fire truck. The thing is huge. It has working lights and an arial ladder that you can control with the remote. It even squirts water. Noelle got a doll carseat, diaper bag full of stuff, and a Wii game where she gets to build her own zoo and take care of the animals. Andrew got a Weebles tree house that has an elevator and slide. It plays music too. He also got a Mater that talks. The kids did really good in picking out their things. They only went over their gift cards by $20.
This weekend is Isaiah's first over night trip with the cub scouts. We will be spending the night on a navy aircraft carrier. I can't wait. I just know we are going to have a great time. This trip will be during our 10 day media fast, so I will blog it on the 31st.