My First Blog

I have decided to make a new years resolution this year as corny as that sounds. I don't usually because it usually ends up in dissappointment. But, thanks to one of my friends, whose life I enjoy reading about in her blog, I have decided to start blogging my life. I really don't care if people read this or not, but at least I know it is there. But for the ones who do read this, I hope that maybe I can help them or they can help me be a better parent. This will be a place I can put down all my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about offending anyone. This will be just my life and how I see things.

My kids are my life. Yes, they annoy me, but they also keep me going everyday. When things get really bad, I think about just giving up, but they keep me strong. I have to be strong for them and for me.

Being a single mom is nothing new to me. I left my abusive ex husband in March of 2007 before I knew I was pregnant with our third child. Facing the reality of being a single parent to not just 2, but 3 kids was more than I could bear. When the doctors told me that I was miscarrying my baby, I was actually happy. As much as I hate to admit it now, that's just how I felt. I didn't know if I could raise 2 kids on my own let alone 3. When I found out that the baby was fine, I really had to get used to the idea of having 3 kids totally dependant on me. It is still a hard concept for me. Everyday faces new challenges and something new to learn. I am thankful for my 3 kids and would give them the world if I could.

The year 2010 held many challenges for me. I think the worst one of all was the possibility that my daughter had a brain tumor. I just found out 4 days ago that it's just a cyst and nothing that needs to be worried about. I had been dealing with this torture for a few months before we got the great news that she is just fine. She has other medical issues, but nothing life threatening. I can deal with her epilepsy. Thankfully, she is very well controlled on her medication.

My older son gives me a challenge everyday. He is really smart and figures things out really quickly. But he can't figure out why his father wants nothing to do with him. I can't even figure that one out. He is very angry about the whole thing and takes it out on whoever is there. He will beat on his brother or sister, or he will yell at whoever is in the room with him. I don't know how to help him through this. It would be so much easier if their father would just leave them alone. He sees them for 2 hours each week, that is, when he shows up. The kids see him as a playdate not their father. If you ask the kids who is in their family, they will say their siblings, me and their grandparents. They never think of him as part of the family.

My baby is super sweet and gives hugs and kisses all the time. I am so thankful that I didn't loose him during pregnancy. He has made my life complete. He is very easy going and usually the best behaved.

I hope that through this blog, I will be able to discover new things and to appreciate the little things. I know I have a lot of issues that need to be resolved but I also know that I am doing the best I can with what I have.